Early Childhood

Have you ever looked at your adult children and wondered, ‘How did we get here?’ Those moments of confusion, pride, frustration, and love, they all have a story, and that story started long before they became adults.

Think of your child’s personality like an intricate puzzle. Each piece, every childhood experience, every family interaction, has carefully shaped who they are now. These moments shape your child’s confidence, relationships and even the way they handle stress.

Let’s consider the invisible threads that weave through your family’s story:

Your home is more than just a living space—it is a training ground for life skills. It is here that your children learn how conflicts are resolved, how emotions are expressed, and how challenges are dealt with. Your responses become your child’s unwritten rulebook for handling the world.

Every child interprets experiences differently. Some childhood experiences stick like glue. The way you praise, correct, or show affection creates a unique emotional language for each of your children. Similarly, a moment of public praise, a time of feeling overlooked, a shared laugh, or a harsh word spoken are more than experiences. They are the building blocks of self-worth and emotional resilience.

For example, a fear of public speaking might not just be about speaking—it could be about a time in second grade when a teacher embarrassed you for getting an answer wrong. Equally, anxiety around relationships might not just be about trust—it could be about being left out of playground games. The body remembers emotional wounds, even if the mind forgets the details.

You might see traits in your children that remind you of yourself or your partner; some great, some not so great. None of us are perfect parents. However, acknowledging that we are all learning, and growing, is healthy and allows us to change when we need to.

Kevin Leman, in his book ‘What Your Childhood Memories Say About You’ looks at how our memories from childhood experiences are key to understanding why we are the way we are. As adults, our childhood memories are more than just old stories. They are a map of where we have been, a guide to understanding who we are, and, if we pay close enough attention, a key to unlocking who we want to become.

Understanding our past can help us rewrite our future and set us up to be healthy models for our children. The memories we hold onto are not random. It’s not about how exciting or dramatic they were—it’s about how they made us feel. The brain is like an emotional scrapbook, storing the experiences that shape our beliefs about safety, love, and self-worth. If a particular moment still lingers, it is likely to have left its mark. Some memories bring warmth and nostalgia, others may explain why we flinch when someone raises their voice.

Early experiences shape our self-esteem. If your child’s early years are filled with encouragement this often translates to building their confidence. However, if it is full of criticism their inner voice can follow them into adulthood whispering doubts when they are most vulnerable. Self-worth is formed in small childhood moments when your child is shown unconditional love, praised, rejected, chosen, judged or ignored.

Even birth order and associated parental expectations leave a lasting imprint. Were you the responsible first born? The peacemaking second child or the rebellious third? Each role teaches lessons about how to get your parents attention, their approval and how to get your needs met. It also might explain why some children are perfectionists and others charm themselves out of trouble.

From your child’s perspective, growing up in a household where problems are swept under the rug may make it difficult for them to resolve problems as an adult. When raised in a home where angry yelling is commonly used to demonstrate frustration your child may assume this is the only way to be taken seriously and heard. How your child observes you handling stress will teach them unspoken rules about communication—these rules will follow them long after they leave home.

While childhood memories shape us, they don’t have to define us forever. The beautiful thing about self-awareness is that it gives us a choice. Not all childhood lessons serve us well in adulthood, and once we recognize them, we can rewrite the script. The past might explain us, but it doesn’t have to control us.

In my book I write about ‘being the person you want your child to become.’ Your child’s future self is largely determined by their interactions with you during their early years. Let’s give them the start in life that maybe we didn’t have. Let’s raise them with love and wisdom so that they can grow to become well balanced young people who contribute positively to society and have the chance to live fulfilling lives. Let’s give them the happy and healthy childhood memories they deserve.

Your children’s stories are still being written, and you are an extremely important author in that narrative.