Early Childhood

Disciplinary practices have undergone a transformation over the generations. During my childhood, school discipline often meant physical punishment — a caning was not uncommon. Today, we’ve evolved to understand discipline through a more compassionate lens. It is fundamentally about guidance and teaching, rather than punishment. This shift reflects a deeper appreciation for how children learn and develop, emphasizing understanding, communication, and positive reinforcement over fear and physical punishment.

Navigating childhood discipline is one of the most common challenges parents face today. Many find themselves asking, ‘How do I discipline my child?’ For parents, the journey involves understanding how to manage emotional outbursts, establishing clear boundaries, developing realistic expectations that align with a child’s developmental stage, and providing guidance on socially appropriate behaviors.

Effective parenting requires a delicate balance of patience, consistency, and empathy. It’s not about controlling behavior, but about teaching children how to understand and manage their emotions, make good choices, and develop self-regulation skills. Each age brings its own unique set of behavioral challenges, and what works for a school aged child won’t necessarily work for a toddler.

The key is approaching discipline as a form of teaching rather than a consequence resulting in punishment. Our approach should help children learn from their experiences and develop the emotional intelligence needed to navigate increasingly complex social interactions.

‘Too often we forget that to discipline really means to teach, not to punish.’ 

Daniel J Siegel

As your child approaches the toddler years, discipline often becomes a significant parenting challenge. The notorious ‘terrible twos’ are typically more overwhelming for your toddler than for you. During this developmental stage, toddlers experience a tsunami of emotions but lack the vocabulary or cognitive ability to express them — that’s your toddler’s daily reality. Nor have they had time to build their understanding of cause and effect. They’re not trying to be difficult; they’re simply trying to navigate a complex world with immature emotional and communication tools.

Your role is crucial. You will need to remain calm and consistent during these emotional storms. By responding with patience and understanding, you’re not just managing behavior — you’re teaching emotional regulation, building trust, and helping your child make sense of their experiences.

Think of yourself as a compassionate translator, helping your toddler understand their internal turmoil while gently guiding them toward more constructive ways of expressing their needs and feelings.

When your toddler is experiencing an emotional meltdown, physical proximity and your gentle connection will help soothe them. Lowering yourself to their eye level and offering a comforting hug or a reassuring back rub can help them feel seen and supported. Speaking in a quiet, calm tone signals safety and helps regulate their heightened emotions.

Understanding your child’s developmental capabilities is key to setting appropriate boundaries. Recognize for example that toddlers have limited emotional regulation skills and can become quickly overwhelmed, especially when tired. Prioritizing consistent sleep routines can significantly reduce their emotional volatility.

For children who are verbal, invite them to share their experience. Even if you already know the trigger, allowing them to articulate their feelings teaches valuable communication skills. If they find it difficult to express themselves you might say, ‘I noticed you seemed upset when your friend took your toy. Let’s talk about how we can work this problem out together.’ Your goal is to help your child build resilience and self-management skills over time.

I’ve dedicated significant effort in my book to demystifying early childhood development milestones for parents and caregivers. To help you with disciplining your child, I have provided strategies to use in a variety of situations aligned to the developmental milestones. These milestones will help you recognize typical patterns of cognitive and behavioral progression, allowing you to support and guide each child’s individual journey with wisdom and understanding.